Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
