you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
