If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
