i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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