We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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