the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
