I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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