my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
