My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
