glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
