Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
