Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
