now i know why i became what i already was.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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