didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Your shirt... Was in my pants
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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