Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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