One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
