i already hear my dad disowning me
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
it's like iHOP with fire
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
