I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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