Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
