between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
