And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
