Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
