Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
