It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
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