Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
