I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Randomize
