i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
