you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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