please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
