i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
