yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
