i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
