You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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