So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
