I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
