I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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