Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
