i may or may not be watching the land before time
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
