were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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