As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
