I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Randomize
