bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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