Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
do herpes really smell.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
