We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
