everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Randomize
