So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
