I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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