new low.... made out with someone while peeing
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
