why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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