My sheets look like a crime scene.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
